Week 2 is here, which means I’ve already lost enough money to buy a mid-sized Jet Ski but not enough to justify telling my mom I have a gambling problem. That’s called balance, people.
This week’s show with Anand Nanduri was basically a buffet of player props — Jerry Jeudy overs (because the Browns literally have no one else), Javonte Williams rushing yards (because the Giants defense looks like it was built out of Wetzel’s Pretzels), and Jamison Williams “under receptions but over 80 yards” (because apparently we live in a simulation built by DraftKings interns).
Then Producer Ryan jumped in for Extra Holes and things went off the rails, as they always do. Triple Ds made its return: the Dad Bet was “anyone playing Miami,” the Dog Bet somehow involved Cam Ward disrespecting my poor Rams, and the Dumbf* Bet** was so dumb that I’m not even sure it wasn’t genius. Meanwhile, Stephception bets had me drooling over longest reception props like they were free Costco samples.
And yes, we discovered a real NFL tight end named Colston Yankoff. Obviously I bet him to score. If Yankoff actually hits pay dirt, I’m buying the jersey and getting it framed next to my Circa Millions entry slip. That’s how much I believe in Week 2 magic.
So here we are: broke, caffeinated, and somehow convinced that the Falcons plus three and a half is a good idea. Subscribe, tail me, fade me, or just watch me melt down in real time. Either way, you’re welcome.
