Colby Dant is a stand up comedian and college football guru follow him on Twitter @TheColbyD
Navy -3 vs Pittsburgh
Uh shit. I hate this game. The American conference has lost every bowl game so far this year. However Pittsburgh defense is pretty awful. Take Navy -3 and hope Keenan Reynolds runs his ass off because when the midshipmen attempt to throw, its about the worst football you can watch on television.
Minnesota -4.5 vs Central Michigan
Minnesota is 5-7 which is just stupid. Why a team with a losing record is in a bowl game is beyond me. However, take the Golden Gophers because Central Michigan isnt very good and Minnesota has done okay vs the MAC this year.
Air Force +7 vs California
Well shit it appears I’m taking both military schools which may have you thinking I’m a fucking moron. Perhaps you’re right but take the Falcons to cover simply because the Golden Bear defense is pretty awful.
UNC -3 vs Baylor
Baylor has lost a ton of talent to injury. UNC’s defense was much better in Gene Chizik’s first year with the heels. I like the Heels to come up with a few stops that win them the game. This game will be like another shitty John Woo flick I’m talking shootout all over this one. So entertain the idea of the over as well.
Colorado State -3 vs Nevada
Uh how the hell are two mountain west teams playing each other in a bowl game? Isnt this what the regular season is for? Idiots. Anywho, I like the Colorado State Rams in this one for one simple reason Rashard Higgins. He’s one of the best wideouts in the country and Nevada’s corners aren’t exactly Revis & Cromartie. Take the rams.
LSU -7 vs Texas Tech
Les Miles is fired, no wait, yeah he’s fired, no wait. These idiots in Baton Rouge almost fired one of the best coaches in college football. I almost want to take the Red Raiders just for that. However I’m going with the Tigers because of Fournette and the running game.
Texas Tech’s D-Line is simply no match for the power of the LSU O-Line. I’ll also bet on Kliff Kingsbury being the biggest douchebag in the stadium when kickoff comes around. Who spells their name Cliff with a K? Parents were douchebags too.
Memphis +3 vs Auburn
Yep. I know Memphis doesn’t have their coach but Auburn doesn’t have a quarterback. I’m taking NFL bound Paxton Lynch to upset the other Tigers strictly because it’s his last college game.
Auburn also is without maniac defensive coordinator Will Muschamp who somehow landed a job at South Carolina. Take the Tigers from Memphis and don’t croak on the toilet seat like the king when this hits.
Mississippi State +6 vs NC State
NC State has not had one good victory against a good team this year. Look it up. Perhaps the easiest schedule in the country. So I’m going with the SEC in this one even though MSU has had its own share of problems of late.
Texas A&M +4.5
Everyone is quitting on A&M except me. 3rd string QB?? I don’t care. L’ville isn’t that great this year and Johnny Unitas has been dead for a while now.
Take the Aggies and use your winnings to take your side girl out on the town like Petrino but avoid the motorcycles.
USC -3.5 vs Wisconsin
Wisconsin is similar to NC State. Though they did schedule better, they still haven’t beaten many good teams. USC retained their coach finally. So uh, I’m going with the Trojans.
Houston +7 vs Florida State
Houston has won me money all year, so why stop now. Yes, the thought of Dalvin Cook against an American defense is scary but hey this was the best defense in the American. Houston probably would of went undefeated if Gary Ward Jr. didn’t miss the Uconn game. The kids a playmaker so sit back and enjoy the show.
Oklahoma -3.5 vs Clemson
I liked it better at -3 but still I’m taking the Sooners. I just think their the better team from a much better conference. Sweeney is fresh off giving the whole state of South Carolina free pizza.
I mean who wouldn’t want delicious pizza from the Palmetto state? Take the Sooners and spend your winnings on something upscale like Little Caesars or something.
Michigan State +9.5 vs Alabama
Bama will win the game but it’s too many points. Don’t be an idiot.
Tennessee -8 vs Northwestern
One day Tennessee will close out a football game correctly, I’m thinking it will be this week.
Michigan -4 vs Florida
Florida’s offense is the worst. I mean they make the Philadelphia 76ers offense look good. It’s amazing they won as many games as they did. Take the Wolverines. I love this one.
Ole Miss -7 vs OK State
So what if Nkemdiche is suspended for the bowl game. OK State was pretenders all year. So take the Rebels or you’ll end up pissed off you didn’t listen to me and you’ll go out and get so piss drunk that you fall out a fourth story window too.
Georgia -6.5 vs Penn State
I honestly hate this game. I’m just going with Georgia and the SEC because Penn State was pretty shitty throughout most the year. Their O-Line is awful, Georgia’s D’Line is good and thats enough for me.
Bill Snyder may be a vegetable at this point but fuck its 13 points. Take the Wildcats and pretend its 1995.
Oregon +1 vs TCU
I love Oregon in this game. TCU is without a few playmakers and Oregon is arguably the hottest team in the country. Take the Ducks and thank me later.
Arizona State +1 vs West Virginia
WVU has zero quality victories and their coach looks like a used car salesman. Arizona State is an up and down team that has a coach that acts like a Best Buy salesman. Fuck. I’m going with the more proven team. Take the Sun Devils and the points.
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