NFL Week 5 is here, and I’ve officially decided that the sportsbooks are gaslighting me. Why else would Saquon Barkley’s rushing line still be floating in the 80s? Have they watched him run lately? At this point, his longest gain this season might be when he’s jogging out of the tunnel.
Luckily, I had Sam Wagman on the show this week, and he’s just as unhinged about props as I am. We bonded over how gross Jordan Mason looks against the Browns’ defense (spoiler: 2.9 yards per carry is not sexy). Sam also managed to slip in “Carson Wentz” without me throwing up, which shows remarkable restraint on my part.
We hit all the fun spots: Darren Waller’s sneaky value, Jakobi Meyers disrespect from the books, Jake Ferguson’s target addiction, and of course—Triple D’s. For the uninitiated, that’s Dad, Dog, and Dumbf*ck bets. This week, I’m rocking Garrett Wilson’s long reception, Drake Maye’s legs, and the official “what the hell, let’s do it” play: Jahmyr Gibbs running wild.
Then Producer Ryan McKee rolled in for Extra Holes with his so-called “Prison Picks.” Yes, actual picks sourced from a man named Tiny who is not tiny. We may have officially found the sharpest mind behind bars, and Ryan bribed him with a cheeseburger. Our Circa Million card ended up with the Cowboys, Lions, Patriots, Chargers, and (gulp) the Giants.
So if you win money this weekend, thank me, Sam, Ryan, and an incarcerated gentleman named Tiny. You’re welcome.
