Apparently Justin Herbert having Madison Beer at Chargers practice is now an NFL crisis, because football fans are famously normal about quarterbacks having personal lives.
On this week’s Ask Smalls Anything, Smalls comes to Herbert’s defense. In a league featuring cheating scandals, messy relationships and approximately 9,000 men yelling on podcasts, maybe a quarterback being openly happy with his girlfriend is… fine?
Her theory eventually evolves into a much less family-friendly argument for why Herbert may actually perform better this season. We’ll let you connect those dots.
Naturally, this somehow becomes relationship advice.
Stephie’s formula is pretty simple: guys, help around the house. Put away the dishes. Put the toilet seat down. Be useful without being asked. Ryan McKee summarizes this as a surprisingly transactional economic system, which Stephie disputes while also describing a fairly compelling rewards program.
Football does eventually return.
Stephie still thinks people are too low on the New York Giants. She sees a defense that could surprise people, an offense that merely needs to be competent, and a path to roughly eight or nine wins. She’s also prepared for everything to collapse because, as any emotionally healthy Giants fan knows, hope should always come with an emergency exit.
The Bengals get less enthusiasm. Joe Burrow is great. The roster has talent. Stephie still hates Zac Taylor and would also like Bengals social media to stop recycling old hype videos like somebody posting thirst traps from when they still had abs.
There’s also fantasy football, NBA card strategy, reality TV, Ryan’s hatred of the tambourine, and one listener asking Stephie to surrender a Giants Super Bowl.
She declines.
Violently, spiritually and with several reminders that Eli Manning beat Tom Brady twice.
Ask better questions next week.
Or don’t. The bad ones are usually funnier.
