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7 Signs You’re An Ultimate Degenerate

degenerate-gambler

In this line of work, professionals harp on discipline, gaining an edge, and maximizing it. In truth, they really are words to live by if you want to make any money in this racket long term. With that being said, we’re about to throw that out the window. The word “Degenerate” is passed along from gambler to gambler as almost a term of endearment when you actually aren’t a degenerate gambler, which is very different from people with actual gambling problems who would look at themselves being called a degenerate in a negative light.

An actual text message I received, let’s just call this guy Bill.

Me: Playing anything tonight?

Bill: Nothing for real, just some degen WNBA action.

You see, no matter how serious you try to take making money in this industry, and believe me when I tell you I take nothing more serious, having some degenerate skin in the game for low stakes can be fun. After all, you’re paying for your entertainment if nothing else. When you start using your actual bankroll or money you don’t have to gamble on things you don’t have an edge on, that’s where the issue lies, and thats exactly what I want to shine a light on in this article, because frankly, gambling should be fun.

1. Gamble On A Cock Fight In Tijuana 

I know, I came out of the gate swinging. Don’t tell PETA. Am I serious with this one? Is it probably cruel? Do chicken lives matter? If you don’t have much a moral conscience cock fighting in Tijuana is probably degeneracy in its purest form, because this one has so many layers to pull back. You want the ultimate degeneracy experience? Well, if you’ve ever been to Tijuana, let’s just say arriving there is a gamble in itself as most big name air lines don’t fly there much.

A rickety old plane is your first bet of the trip. After that, you’re next task is finding where a cock fight is being held, and it’s not exactly the type of thing advertised, the people running these make Las Vegas look like a church. Enter gamble number two, finding the event. After you’ve procured the location of such degeneracy it’s time to pick your chicken. Gamble number 3. I’m not really at liberty to say or not say if i’ve ever seen such a thing, but l would just pick the biggest chicken you can find. The next gamble is actually getting your money down, because I would…assume…there’s not exactly a betting window.

Then the actual gamble happens of the “fight.” Finally, you have to collect your winnings and make it out safely, which is the last leg of this 6 leg death parlay. If you’ve lost count of how many bets that range from your life ending to being robbed in a third world country all in the name of being on a chicken fight to the death, this one’s probably to extreme for you.

2. Use Courtside Seats For An “Edge”

I know, I just talked about chickens fighting to the death Game Of Thrones style, so I thought I’d dial it back a bit with something the whole family can enjoy. I wouldn’t bring the whole family though because the gamble isn’t actually sitting courtside, no no no. The best part of sitting courtside of a college football or NBA basketball game is what that gives you the option to do.

I couldn’t put that in the title of this one because you know, I just talked about cock fighting. Sitting courtside at a basketball game is honestly one of the coolest experiences i’ve ever been fortunate enough to do to be honest for a minute. (Side note: tickets aren’t as expensive as you’d think, especially NCAA schools that play in venues outside of their home arenas.) So let’s just use college for example because in of itself, the fact that if you wrap your mind around the fact that both professionals and degenerates place millions of dollars on 18 year old’s shooting a ball through a hoop, it just feels better.

Here’s where it gets fun if you’re into…let’s just call it psychological warfare. The thing about sitting courtside is that you can basically talk in a regular voice to these players. Tell that freshman from some place in Utah you’ve got some skin riding on his play tonight, see what happens. It may be dark, but degeneracy isn’t the place for the faint of heart. Have some fun with it and enjoy the game on some low stakes, the experience is second to none.

3. Place A Lightning Bet

The lightning bet is the unicorn of betting. Many people say they’ve seen or heard of them, but to actually bet on one is whole other world. A lightning bet for high stakes is one of the most extreme things ever created, and the person that came up with it’s brain needs to be studied for science. Let me be very clear about this one, it’s dangerous.

But since I get to hide behind this article and tell you its for entertainment purposes only, let me explain it to you. A lightning bet is in increased stake in your wager based on outcome. Let’s say you bet $100 on the total of “OVER” 8.5 in a baseball game with a $100 lightning. What that means is that, for every run scored after 8.5, you win an additional $100. If the game ended 12-4, you’d win your $100 wager, plus $600 in lightning bonus for a total of $700.

Now let’s crank that puppy up to $1,000 on “OVER” 40 in an NFL game with a $500 lightning. Bad news? The game ended 14-10, 16 points under the total. Well my friend, not only did you lose $1,000, you lost an additional $8,000 in lightning. See where i’m going with this? Remember, entertainment purposes only here friends.

4. Work The Night Shift

No, I’m not telling you to apply to your 7-11 to see what being up all night feels like. I’m talking about playing cards. Instead of playing some blackjack at a casino when tables are crowded, people are screaming, and people’s fortunes are being lost, start at midnight and leave at 8am. 8 hours is the usual shift people work, so i’m going to go with that.

If you’ve never experienced the feeling of walking into a casino when it’s dark outside, only to leave when it’s light out–There is nothing more sobering than the sun that hits your soul when you walk out of the valet underpass roof outside the casino at 8am, let me tell you from first hand experience. You don’t have to be a high roller, most casinos offer as low as $5.00 tables these days, you can make it last, I believe in you.

5. Bet On Your Kid

I’m not going to pretend I know the first thing about being a parent or raising a child here, but i’d assume that can be a little bit stressful. Why not increase the stakes with your partner in crime. Morally, probably a little bit wrong, but no one has to know. The beauty of this bet is you can even play it as a future.

Bet your baby mama your kid will be Over/Under  5′.05” tall by the age of 10. (I have no idea how tall kids are supposed to be at what age here, so cut me a break.) Every time you put that little tike up against the wall to mark his progress in your home year after year, you and your significant other will be glued to see the results. Get creative, give your off-spring some odds, you think you have some super swimmers? +1200 if he reaches 5’5. +3000 says he can reach 6′ by age 18.

6. Play Casino War

This bucket list by no means is a way to win money, in fact it probably could be titled the exact opposite, and theres no better way than casino war. To be fair to this glorious game, the odds aren’t against you really, let’s just say it’s not a game that you can gain an edge in. While all the suckers are playing roulette trying to get their shoe size number to come up, find  yourself a casino that offers the game titled “Casino War”.

You ever played the card game war when you were a kid? Some casinos took that up a notch, as you place your bet, get a card, the dealer gets a card, and high card wins the bet. If theres a tie, you double down go to “war” just like in your youth before you were corrupted. Roulette is way too mainstream for the level of degenerate I’m trying to reach out to here, so take it up to the next level. Casino War is usually tucked in the back somewhere with only one table open as if they know it’s the best kept degenerate secret in the house. You’ll have to search, but much like the Lightning bet, they do exist.

7. Place A Bet At Every Sports Book In Las Vegas

This one may take a while. This badge of degenerate honor was a personal item I wanted to check off when I moved to Las Vegas over 15 months ago. I’m still working on it. The cool thing about this one is its a way to explore Las Vegas and see what is out there at each different shop.

Obviously this one is going to be hard unless you live in Vegas, but if you ever make trips out this way, just carve out some time to explore a couple different books. If you travel out of the country or vacation, place a wager, not many people can say they won a bet on two different continents.

A jack of all trades, Christian got his start in the gambling industry using a model to predict players performance in daily fantasy sports. Eventually, he used that same model to cross over into NFL handicapping, specifically the prop market and honed his craft enough to cross over from player projections into every aspect of sports Handicapping. He then made the full time move to Las Vegas to become a professional sports handicapper, utilizing his knowledge of all sports including NFL, NCAA, NBA, UFC, and MLB. He’s currently the resident #DFS expert on The Sports Gambling Podcast as well as managing editor.

1 Comment
  • Ken Flammia

    Funny

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